Horror Scopes
I found this list in some old junk I was throwing out, and my friends liked it enough to talk me into typing it up, and posting it on the web.
ARIES You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advise. You are basically a prick. You seldom think others are good enough for you so you masterbate alot.
TAURUS You are practical and persistant. You have a dogged determiniation and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a good damned communist. You have an intense love for whips and chains.
GEMINI You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to accept too much for too little. This means you are a cheap selfish bastard. Gemini's are notorious for thriving on incest.
CANCER You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples problems. Everyone thinks you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Most Cancer's are frigid.
LEO You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo's are bully's. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are theiving bastards and get their kicks from sniffing bicycle seats and kissing mirrors.
VIRGO You are the logical type and hate disorder. This shit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgo's make good garbage collectors.
LIBRA You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent because you are a rip-off. If you are a male then you are probably queer. Most Libra women are whores. All Libran's die of venerial disease.
SCORPIO You are screwd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve great success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect Son-Of-A-Bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered. Scorpio women give good head because they have no morals.
SAGITARIUS You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagitarians are drunks or pot-heads. You are almost always impotent. People laugh at you a lot because you are always getting fucked.
CAPRICORN You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken-shit. You fear people and relationships. Most Capricorns prefer rubber dolls. There has never been a capricorn of any importance you should kill yourself.
AQUARIUS You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone things you are a Fucking Jerk.
PISCES You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followd by the FBI or the CIA. You have a minor influence over your friends and people resent you. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pices's people screw small animals and pick their nose a lot.