OVERWEIGHT BLONDE
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a
diet.
"I
want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this
procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five
pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why,
that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The
blonde nods and says. "I thought I was going to drop dead by the third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from all that skipping."
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BLONDE
ASTRONAUT
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one
day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in
space!"
The American said, "We were the first on
the moon!"
The
Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"
The
Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You
can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To
which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.
We're going at
night!"
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THE
VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was,
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She
thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
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FINAL
EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination
that consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts
tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads and "No" for
Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the
class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately
throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches
her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but
I'm rechecking my answers."
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SPEEDING
TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys
would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and
then today you expect me to show it to you!"
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ON
FINANCIAL AFFAIRS
There was a blonde woman who was having
financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She
went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote
this note.
"I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag
behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde"
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go
straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in
a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag
was the following note...
"Here is your money. I cannot believe that
one blonde would do this to another."
LAW BREAKERS
A
blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast
hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I
could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out."
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
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RIVER
WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and
sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how
can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then
down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other
side."
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KNITTING
A
highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at
the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper
cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,
"PULLOVER!"
"NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
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